The phrase “why we can’t have nice things” is a common lament, often delivered with a mix of exasperation and dark humor. It’s the kind of saying that resonates because many of us have experienced the swift destruction of something we cherished, often at the hands of carelessness or unforeseen circumstances. But where did this instantly relatable phrase come from? While it feels timeless, the expression’s journey to widespread recognition likely has a more recent origin, possibly propelled by the world of comedy.
It’s widely believed that comedian Paula Poundstone played a significant role in bringing “why we can’t have nice things” into the popular lexicon during the late 1980s and early 1990s. However, the sentiment itself is undoubtedly much older. It’s easy to imagine parents throughout history uttering similar frustrations whenever a beloved object met an untimely end. In fact, Poundstone herself has suggested her own mother used the phrase before she incorporated it into her stand-up routine.
Early documented uses of the phrase connected to Paula Poundstone appear around 1989. As noted on BaryPopik.com, a quote from the Des Moines Register in August of that year captures a classic Poundstone anecdote: “She used to get mad over absolutely everything. I remember the time I knocked a Flintstones glass off the table and she said, ‘That’s why we can’t have nice things.’”. This simple scenario – a child’s accidental clumsiness and a parent’s wryly delivered disappointment – encapsulates the essence of the phrase.
Further evidence from the era surfaces in the July/August issue of Mother Jones magazine, which recounts a strikingly similar story attributed to Poundstone. Her appearances on shows like Comic Relief, potentially around 1994, likely amplified the phrase’s reach, embedding it further into collective consciousness. From there, it was primed for adoption and adaptation, evolving into the meme-worthy expression we recognize today.
While Poundstone’s comedic use likely broadened its appeal, the core sentiment existed long before her stand-up days. A memoir from the 1950s, Dorothy Allred Solomon’s In My Father’s House (published in 1984), offers a glimpse into an earlier, perhaps more gentle, iteration of the saying. In it, Solomon recalls asking her mother, “Why don’t you have nice things like Aunt Marion?” to which her mother replied, “I have little children instead of nice things.” This version highlights the trade-off parents often perceive between pristine possessions and the joyful chaos of family life.
Delving even further back, a “Lesson…for Little Children” published in The Humanitarian Review in 1905 illustrates the connection between broken objects and parental lectures. The story recounts a mother’s reaction to her child breaking a vase: “When you chased the cat and broke my beautiful vase, did I whip you?” Instead, she conveyed her sadness and inquired, “‘How do folks keep nice things?’” The child’s reflective response, “I never play where nice things are, and don’t break things,” reveals an early understanding of the delicate balance required to maintain “nice things.”
In conclusion, while Paula Poundstone may have popularized “why we can’t have nice things,” the underlying sentiment – the humorous frustration of seeing cherished possessions destroyed – is a timeless human experience. From ancient pottery to modern-day mishaps, the lament resonates because it speaks to the universal challenge of preserving beauty and order in a world prone to chaos, especially when children (or, let’s be honest, adults) are involved. It’s a phrase that blends humor and resignation, perfectly capturing the ongoing struggle to, well, have nice things.
