Why is Sex Before Marriage Considered a Sin? – Exploring Biblical Perspectives

Introduction

I was raised to believe that sex before marriage is unequivocally a sin. However, recently, through personal reflection and spiritual seeking, I’ve come to understand that this issue might not be as straightforward as traditionally taught.

Navigating this topic requires sensitivity, and I ask for your understanding if anything discussed here causes discomfort. My aim is to pursue God’s will, setting aside preconceived notions to genuinely understand His perspective on this matter. It’s crucial to avoid letting our emotions or ingrained assumptions dictate our beliefs.

Seeking divine guidance (as detailed in my article, “How to Discern God’s Guidance“), I compiled a list of various sexual scenarios, from intimate touching and oral sex to more complex relationships like polyamory and “friends with benefits.” These are the very questions people bring to my online ministry, reflecting a genuine desire among Christians to discern what is truly sinful.

If this article, and indeed everything on my website, VividChristianity.com, accurately reflects God’s will, He will confirm it to you through a miracle. Details are available on my home page.

What Does “Fornication” Mean?

The Greek term porneia is frequently translated as “fornication” in English Bibles. The New International Version (NIV) often uses “sexual immorality,” while Young’s Literal Translation employs “whoredom.” Dictionaries and biblical commentaries offer these definitions:

• “porneia por-ni’ah from 4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry: – fornication.” (Strong’s Hebrew and Greek Dictionary)
• “porneia: 1) illicit sexual intercourse a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18 c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mar 10:11, 2) metaph. the worship of idols a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols” (The New Testament Greek Lexicon)
• “porneia…Fornication, lewdness, or any sexual sin” (The Complete Word Study Dictionary of the Old and New Testaments, Dr. Spiros Zodhiates)
• “Fornication. Chastity was the exception instead of the rule among Gentiles at this period.” (People’s New Testament commentary, Acts 15:20)
• “Fornication, all uncleanness of every kind was prohibited; for πορνεια [porneia] not only means fornication, but adultery, incestuous mixtures, and especially the prostitution which was so common at the idol temples, viz. in Cyprus, at the worship of Venus; and the shocking disorders exhibited in the Bacchanalia, Lupercalia, and several others.” (Adam Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible, Acts 15:20)
• “and from fornication; not spiritual fornication or idolatry, but fornication taken in a literal sense, for the carnal copulation of one single person with another” (John Gill’s Exposition of the Bible, Acts 15:20)
• “Fornication – Hebrew: zanah / Greek: porneia Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married to each other. Adultery is one type of fornication. In every form, fornication was sternly condemned by the Mosaic law among God’s people, the Israelites (Lev. 21:9; 19:29; Deut. 22:20-11, 23-29; 23:18; Ex. 22:16). (See ADULTERY.) Fornication is also mentioned many times in the New Testament (Matt. 5:32; 19:9; John 8:41; Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor 5:1, 6:13, 18, 7:2; 10:8; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19; Eph 5:3; Col 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; Jude 1:7; Rev. 2:14, 20-21; 9:21; 14:8; 17:2,4). “The Greek word for ‘fornication’ (porneia) could include any sexual sin committed after the betrothal contract…In Biblical usage, ‘fornication’ can mean any sexual congress outside monogamous marriage. It thus includes not only premarital sex, but also adultery, homosexual acts, incest, remarriage after un-Biblical divorce, and sexual acts with animals, all of which are explicitly forbidden in the law as given through Moses (Leviticus 20:10-21). Christ expanded the prohibition against adultery to include even sexual lusting (Matthew 5:28).” (Dr. Henry M. Morris)

It’s clear from these varied definitions that porneia, often translated as “fornication” or “sexual immorality,” is interpreted in multiple ways. Essentially, any sexual act deemed sinful by God could fall under this umbrella. While the Bible condemns certain sexual acts, it doesn’t provide an exhaustive list of every voluntary sexual activity.

Consider a scenario: an unmarried Christian couple on a date, alone, with heightened emotions. Is kissing sinful? What about clothed fondling? Undressed cuddling? Oral sex? Use of sex toys? The New Testament doesn’t explicitly address these modern scenarios, yet they are real concerns for unmarried Christians in relationships.

Throughout my ministry, I’ve received countless inquiries from unmarried Christians seeking clarity on the boundaries between sinful and permissible sexual behavior. Simply stating “sex before marriage is a sin” is problematic for several reasons. Firstly, as we will explore, the New Testament doesn’t explicitly say this. Secondly, it implies that any act short of penile-vaginal intercourse before marriage is permissible, which may or may not align with God’s view. To truly honor and obey Him, we must strive for a comprehensive, objective, and unbiased understanding, free from emotional or assumptive biases.

“Porneia” Passages

Christians live under the New Covenant, established at the cross (see my article, “Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments – Part Three“). Here are all the New Testament passages after the cross that use porneia and related terms, often translated as “fornication” or “whoremonger” in the King James Version (KJV):

“Wherefore my sentence is, that we trouble not them, which from among the Gentiles are turned to God: But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood.” (Acts 15:19-20 KJV)

“That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.” (Acts 15:29 KJV)

“As touching the Gentiles which believe, we have written and concluded that they observe no such thing, save only that they keep themselves from things offered to idols, and from blood, and from strangled, and from fornication.” (Acts 21:25 KJV)

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers” (Romans 1:28-29 KJV)

“It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.” (1 Corinthians 5:1 KJV)

“I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.” (1 Corinthians 5:9-13 KJV)

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-13 KJV)

“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 KJV)

“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-9 KJV)

“Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand. Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents. Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.” (1 Corinthians 10:8-11 KJV)

“And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.” (2 Corinthians 12:21 KJV)

“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21 KJV)

“But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5 KJV)

“Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5 KJV)

“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication” (1 Thessalonians 4:3 KJV)

“Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine” (1 Timothy 1:9-10 KJV)

“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.” (Hebrews 12:15-16 KJV)

“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4 KJV)

“Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.” (Jude 1:7 KJV)

“But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.” (Revelation 2:14 KJV)

“Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.” (Revelation 2:20-21 KJV)

“And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.” (Revelation 9:20-21 KJV)

“And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication.” (Revelation 14:8 KJV)

“And there came one of the seven angels which had the seven vials, and talked with me, saying unto me, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters: With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication” (Revelation 17:1-4 KJV)

“For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.” (Revelation 18:3 KJV)

“And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning” (Revelation 18:9 KJV)

“For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand.” (Revelation 19:2 KJV)

“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8 KJV)

“Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.” (Revelation 22:14-15 KJV)

These passages, post-cross, consistently condemn “fornication” or “sexual immorality” in general terms, lacking specific definitions of which sexual acts are immoral and which are permissible. Yet, Christians experiencing sexual attraction seek clear boundaries to avoid transgression.

When Is Sex a Sin?

The previous section highlights the strong condemnation of “fornication” and related sins. We must be diligent to avoid these. These passages refer to “fornication” or “sexual immorality” broadly, without detailed specifics on which sexual activities are immoral and which are acceptable. However, Christians experiencing sexual desire within relationships naturally seek clarity on permissible boundaries.

Initially, some of the following concepts were difficult for me to accept. Therefore, the Lord indicated He would confirm their truth with a specific, visible sign at a precise time. Upon receiving this sign exactly as foretold, I was deeply moved by the miracle and its implications for this article.

Regarding sex, God’s primary concern is our relationships. Examining the commands in the Law of Moses and the New Testament, a vast number address interpersonal relationships.

After considering various sexual scenarios with the Lord, I discerned a distinction: some scenarios are sinful, and others are not. Notably, the “not sinful” scenarios consistently occur within the context of exclusive relationships.

Update (February 29, 2020): The Lord clarified the meaning of “exclusive relationships”:

• Legal marriage constitutes an exclusive relationship.
• Engagement (betrothal) constitutes an exclusive relationship, regardless of living arrangements.
• Loving, committed relationships, characterized by mutual exclusivity in romantic and sexual involvement, constitute exclusive relationships, irrespective of living arrangements.

Essentially, these relationships involve a legal or emotional bond between two individuals. Other forms of exclusive relationships may exist; if you feel you are in a bonded relationship that doesn’t fit these descriptions, seek the Lord’s guidance.

Based on this understanding, the following sexual scenarios are not sinful:

• Consensual sex within exclusive relationships: Between two adults in an exclusive relationship (as defined above), consensual sex, including activities not listed in the sinful category below, is not a sin. This applies to any two adults in an exclusive relationship. While traditional Christian views often condemn all aspects of homosexuality, the issue is more nuanced (see my article, “Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin“).
• Polyamory within specific marital agreements: A form of polyamory where a married couple agrees to allow each spouse a romantic and/or sexual relationship with one other person, often to address unmet needs within the marriage (e.g., due to physical limitations). Consensual sex within such an exclusive relationship, known and agreed upon by all parties, is not a sin and not adultery, including activities outside the sinful category below. This principle extends to exclusive dating/romantic relationships with mutual agreement on this form of polyamory.
• Oral sex, sex toys, touching, and fondling: These acts, whether clothed or unclothed, do not constitute sexual intercourse and are therefore not “sex outside of marriage.” Between unmarried, consenting adults not in exclusive relationships, or within the relationships described above, these are not inherently sinful, unless they fall into the sinful category below. However, caution is advised outside exclusive relationships, as these activities can lead to loss of self-control and sin.
• Masturbation: Typically solitary, masturbation itself is not sinful (see “Masturbation Is Not a Sin“), provided it doesn’t cause harm to oneself or others.
• Birth control: Not inherently sinful. Concerns about specific methods should be addressed through personal prayer and guidance (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“).

Conversely, the following sexual scenarios are sinful:

• Adultery: Any sexual activity by a married person with someone other than their spouse, excluding the specific form of polyamory described above.
• Triads, quads, and other polyamorous relationships: While these involve exclusive group relationships, polyamory beyond the specific marital agreement described earlier is not always acceptable to God. Seek divine guidance for your specific situation (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“).
• Prostitution, orgies, hookups, one-night stands, “friends with benefits,” “sex buddies,” etc.: These are sinful because they are not intended to be exclusive relationships.
• Threesomes, open marriages, and other forms of consensual non-monogamy: Sinful because they lack the intention of exclusive relationship with those outside the existing primary relationship.
• Anal penetration: Any form of anal penetration for pleasure or sexual purposes, using body parts, sex toys, or other objects, is a sin (see “Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin“).
• Illegal sexual activity: Rape, molestation, sex with minors, incest, and any other illegal sexual acts are sinful.

These classifications are based on recent divine revelation, confirmed in a specific and undeniable manner. Your belief in these points should only stem from your own confirmation by God, through the miracle mentioned in the Introduction.

Sexual sins are heavily condemned in Scripture. Ensure your actions are right in God’s eyes, as you will be judged based on your own beliefs and actions, not on mine, your pastor’s, or anyone else’s (see “We’re Likely to Receive Painful Discipline for Not Obeying God, and It’s Our Own Fault,” “We Will Receive Rewards or Suffer Loss in Heaven Based on Our Earthly Obedience or Lack of Obedience,” and “We Will Not All Be Equal in Authority in Christ’s Future Kingdom after the Second Coming“).

Examining the “Porneia” Passages

Of the 29 “porneia” passages listed, the vast majority (27) simply state that “fornication” (sexual immorality) is sinful, lacking specifics. Only two provide some detail:

“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this?” (1 Corinthians 5:1-2 NIV)

“Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say [lego] this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say [lego]: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command [paraggello] (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say [lego] this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-13 NIV)

In 1 Corinthians 5:1-2, Paul describes sexual immorality involving a man and his father’s wife, likely his stepmother. This was considered fornication for the man and adultery for the stepmother, who was married. Importantly, they were not in an exclusive relationship with each other.

In 1 Corinthians 7:1-7, Paul advocates for marital sexual relations to prevent sexual immorality, focusing on the marital duty between spouses to avoid adultery (porneia). While seemingly excluding polyamory, Paul may not have considered this concept, and his words may not explicitly forbid it. Scenarios, like marriages where physical intimacy is impossible due to disability, might justify polyamory (as described earlier).

In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, addressing unmarried individuals, Paul states, “if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” I previously interpreted this as meaning unmarried individuals with strong mutual passion must marry to engage in sex without sin. However, the Lord clarified two points.

First, Paul differentiates between his own opinion (using lego – “I say”) and commands from the Lord (paraggello – “I command”). His statement about marriage as a solution to burning passion is presented as his opinion, not a divine command. While Paul’s opinions are weighty Scripture, he clarifies this is not a direct command from the Lord.

Second, examining 1 Corinthians 7:9 in various translations and the Greek word for “burn” reveals nuances. The original Greek ends with “better to marry than to burn.” The phrase “with passion” was added by NIV translators. The Greek word (puroo) means “to burn, be inflamed as with anger, to be incensed…with lust.” (The Complete Word Study Dictionary). Paul refers to any unmarried person struggling with sexual desire or lust, potentially tempted to sexual immorality like prostitution. His opinion is that marriage offers a sin-free outlet for sex. This remains true even if other sin-free sexual outlets exist.

Many Christians believe premarital sex is sinful, but the New Testament never explicitly states this. We know adultery and prostitution are sinful because the New Testament explicitly says so (e.g., Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Corinthians 6:15-18). Yet, explicit condemnation of premarital sex is absent. Essentially, any sexual act sinful in God’s eyes constitutes porneia, even if not explicitly listed. This highlights the need for personal discernment to avoid sexual sin (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“). While Old Covenant commands exist regarding sex, these are superseded by the New Covenant (see “Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments – Part Three“).

Another “porneia” passage often misconstrued as condemning premarital sex is 1 Corinthians 7:36-38. The NIV translation drastically differs from others:

“If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin – this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.” (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 NIV)

“But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.” (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 NKJV)

“and if any one doth think it to be unseemly to his virgin, if she may be beyond the bloom of age, and it ought so to be, what he willeth let him do; he doth not sin – let him marry. And he who hath stood stedfast in the heart – not having necessity – and hath authority over his own will, and this he hath determined in his heart – to keep his own virgin – doth well; so that both he who is giving in marriage doth well, and he who is not giving in marriage doth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 YLT)

“But if any man thinketh that he behaveth himself unseemly toward his virgin daughter, if she be past the flower of her age, and if need so requireth, let him do what he will; he sinneth not; let them marry. But he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power as touching his own will, and hath determined this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, shall do well. So then both he that giveth his own virgin daughter in marriage doeth well; and he that giveth her not in marriage shall do better.” (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 ASV)

The NIV paraphrases Scripture, presenting the passage as relating to engaged couples and strong passions driving marriage. However, the original Greek doesn’t refer to “the virgin he is engaged to” or “if his passions are too strong.” It also doesn’t say “he who marries the virgin does right” – the Greek word means “gives in marriage,” not “marries.” These NIV paraphrases create a misleading impression, evident in more literal translations (NKJV, YLT, ASV) and verifiable through interlinear study (see Interlinear Study Bible – 1 Corinthians 7).

Bible scholars confirm this interpretation:

“But if any parent think he should otherwise act indecently – Unbecoming his character. Toward his virgin daughter, if she be above age, (or of full age,) and need so require, 1Co 7:9, let them marry – Her suitor and she.” (John Wesley’s Notes on the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

“Behaveth himself uncomely (ἀσχημονεῖν) Acts unbecomingly, either by throwing temptation in the daughter’s way by constraining her to remain unmarried, or by exposing her to the disgrace which was supposed to attach to the unmarried state. But Paul, in his preceding words, has regarded the latter consideration as set aside by the peculiar circumstances of the time. His virgin (τὴν παρθένον αὐτοῦ) Rev. properly inserts daughter. It is an unusual expression for daughter. Xenophon uses it with the word θυγάτηρ daughter (“Cyropaedia,” iv., 6, 9), and Oedipus speaks of his two daughters as my maidens (Sophocles, “Oedipus Tyrannus,” 1462) Pass the flower of her age (ᾐ ὑπέρακμος) Rev., correctly, be past. Beyond the bloom of life. Plato fixes the point at twenty years (“Republic,” 460). Diogenes Laertius says: “An undowered maiden is a heavy burden to a father after she has outrun the flower of her age” (“Lycon,” v., 65) Let them marry Evidently there was assumed to be another in the case beside the father and the virgin.” (Vincent’s Word Studies in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

“Paul has discussed the problem of marriage for virgins on the grounds of expediency. Now he faces the question where the daughter wishes to marry and there is no serious objection to it. The father is advised to consent. Roman and Greek fathers had the control of the marriage of their daughters. “My marriage is my father’s care; it is not for me to decide about that” (Hermione in Euripides’ Andromache, 987).” (Robertson’s Word Pictures in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

“But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin daughter. While giving a judgment in favor of the unmarried state, at that time, he gives full liberty. A man may give his daughter in marriage. Behaveth uncomely. Improperly in withholding her from marriage. If she pass the flower of her age. If she is fully matured. If need so require. If circumstances of any kind seem to require her marriage. He that standeth steadfast . . having no necessity. If no need makes marriage necessary, and the purpose that she remain unmarried continues steadfast, he does well to let her remain so. To choose either course is well, but the last is the better, where circumstances permit (1Co 7:38), on account of the “distress” (1Co 7:26).” (The People’s New Testament commentary, 1 Corinthians 7:36-38)

“behaveth … uncomely – is not treating his daughter well in leaving her unmarried beyond the flower of her age, and thus debarring her from the lawful gratification of her natural feeling as a marriageable woman. need so require – if the exigencies of the case require it; namely, regard to the feelings and welfare of his daughter. Opposed to “having no necessity” (1Co 7:37). let them marry – the daughter and her suitor.” (Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

“That he behaveth himself uncomely – Acts an unbecoming part, imposes an unnecessary, painful, and improper constraint, crosses her inclinations which are in them selves proper. Toward his virgin – His daughter, or his ward, or any unmarried female committed to his care. If she pass the flower of her age – If she pass the marriageable age and remains unmarried. It is well known that in the east it was regarded as especially dishonorable to remain unmarried; and the authority of a father, therefore, might be the means of involving his daughter in shame and disgrace. When this would be the case, it would be wrong to prohibit her marriage.” (Albert Barnes’ Notes on the Whole Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

“The bridegroom view [i.e., the NIV translation], however, faces a lexical difficulty in the meaning of two verbs (gameo and gamizo) for marriage. In order to sustain the bridegroom [NIV] view it is necessary to understand the terms as virtual synonyms, meaning “to marry.” But gamizo usually means “give in marriage,” and gameo means simply “marry,” as these words do in the other New Testament passages where they occur together (Mat 24:38; Mar 12:25). This distinction in meaning continued to be recognized even in the second century. (Apollonius Dyscolus Syntax 3. 153). So it seems that the marginal reading is to be preferred [i.e., all of the other translations above]. Paul, then, gave advice to a father who in the first-century culture exercised great decision-making authority in matters affecting his family. A father may have decided that his daughter should not marry, possibly due to reasons similar to those Paul had mentioned in 1Co 7:25-34.” (The Bible Knowledge Commentary, Walvoord and Zuck, Dallas Theological Seminary, 1 Corinthians 7:36-38, comments added in square brackets)

Therefore, arguments against premarital sex based on 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 often rely on misleading NIV paraphrases.

At What Point Are Two People Married in God’s Eyes?

While many Christians believe sex outside marriage is sinful, defining “marriage” in God’s eyes is crucial to understanding “sex outside of marriage.”

Many assume a church wedding equates to marriage in God’s eyes, but the Bible doesn’t explicitly state this.

Some believe sex itself creates marriage, citing “the two will become one flesh”:

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”” (1 Corinthians 6:16 NIV)

This “one flesh” concept originates from Genesis 2:24, relating to Adam and Eve. Jesus quoted this pre-cross (Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8), and Paul post-cross (1 Corinthians 6:16, Ephesians 5:31), indicating its timeless relevance.

In the Old Testament, kings like David and Solomon had concubines alongside wives (2 Samuel 5:13, 1 Kings 11:3). Sex with concubines didn’t elevate them to wives; they remained distinct. Sex alone doesn’t constitute marriage biblically.

So, what defines marriage in God’s eyes? Consider these points:

• No scriptural mandate for church weddings: The New Testament lacks examples or commands for church weddings, and no one is condemned for not having one. Church weddings are not a prerequisite for God’s recognition of marriage.
• No prescribed wedding ceremony: The New Testament doesn’t provide a specific wedding ceremony, rituals, or required vows for marriage in God’s eyes.
• Jewish wedding banquets as cultural context, not mandate: While Jewish wedding banquets appear in the New Testament (John 2:1-10), they aren’t presented as necessary customs for all marriages.
• Paul’s Gentile audience and diverse marriage customs: Paul’s letters to Gentile Christians worldwide discuss marriage without specifying a singular method, suggesting God acknowledges varying marriage laws and customs, as Christians are instructed to obey local laws (Romans 13:1-7).

Jesus’ description in Matthew 19:4-6 (and Mark 10:6-9), echoed by Paul in Ephesians 5:31, provides the New Testament’s defining elements of marriage in God’s eyes:

“”Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh‘? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”” (Matthew 19:4-6 NIV)

Jesus quotes Genesis 2:22-24, explaining the one-man, one-woman nature of marriage:

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:22-24 NIV)

This passage suggests a sense of completion in marriage, though Paul notes singleness is also valid:

“Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.” (1 Corinthians 7:1 NIV)

“I [the apostle Paul] wish that all men were as I am [unmarried]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-8 NIV)

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 NIV)

Paul adds another marital requirement:

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39 NIV)

Based on these passages, the requirements for marriage in God’s eyes include:

1. Male and Female Union: Marriage in God’s eyes is between a man and a woman, the only union capable of achieving the “one flesh” concept through sexual consummation. This doesn’t negate the validity of legal same-sex marriage in other contexts (see “Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin“).
2. Monogamy: One spouse at a time, for both men and women, aligning with the ideal even if Old Testament figures deviated (Deuteronomy 17:17).
3. Lifelong Commitment: Marriage is intended to be permanent, a “one flesh” union that God joins together and intends to remain unbroken (Matthew 19:4-6). Divorce and remarriage are addressed later.
4. Christian Partner (for Christians): Christians are free to marry any Christian, regardless of prior widowhood (1 Corinthians 7:39).
5. Legal Recognition: Obedience to local laws (Romans 13:1-7) necessitates legal marriage according to local customs, including Justice of the Peace or common law marriage where legal.
6. Establishment of a Separate Household: Couples must form a new, independent household unit, presenting themselves as husband and wife (Genesis 2:24). Even if temporarily living with parents, they must establish their own household dynamics.

These are the biblical requirements for marriage in God’s eyes. Other passages offer guidance on Christian marriage, but are outside this article’s scope. New Testament scripture does not mandate wedding rings, church weddings, specific vows, or blessings from church authorities. Regarding vows, consider this perspective: “Oaths, Vows, Pledges, and Sovereignty“.

While not required, church weddings are commendable for Christians seeking to live honorably in the eyes of others (Romans 12:17, 2 Corinthians 8:20-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:12, 1 Timothy 5:14, 6:1, Titus 2:4-8, 1 Peter 2:12).

Divorce and Remarriage

As a long-time Bible teacher, I’ve observed a common misunderstanding among Christians, including leaders, regarding the distinction between the Old and New Covenants. After the Exodus, God established the Old Covenant with the Israelites, codified in the 613 commandments of the Law of Moses (Exodus 19 onwards). Jesus’ death on the cross canceled the Old Covenant and Law, instituting the New Covenant. Until His death, Jesus and all Jews were obligated to the Old Covenant. Thus, pre-cross events in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and Jesus’ pre-cross teachings, often pertain to the Old Covenant, now obsolete for New Covenant believers. My article, “Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments – Part Three,” details this scripturally.

Therefore, when Jesus addressed divorce and remarriage to Jews, we must discern if these were Old Covenant teachings (nullified at the cross) or New Covenant directives:

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32 NIV)

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”” (Matthew 19:3-9 NIV)

“Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”” (Mark 10:2-12 NIV)

“The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight. The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John. Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached, and everyone is forcing their way into it. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law. Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”” (Luke 16:14-18 NIV)

In the first century, Pharisees debated divorce based on Old Covenant Law, divided between the schools of Hillel and Shammai. They sought to trap Jesus in this debate. These passages reflect Jesus’ engagement with Old Covenant Law and its interpretation, all pre-cross and therefore pre-New Covenant.

Under the New Covenant, Christians are governed by 1 Corinthians 7:8-16, the only post-cross passage addressing divorce and remarriage. Verses 12ff address Christian-non-Christian marriages, while earlier verses address marriages between Christians:

“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and she is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:8-16 NIV)

Biblical authors often use indirect language or provide limited details, requiring us to discern the spirit of their message. Paul states divorced wives shouldn’t remarry. But what if remarriage occurred before understanding this passage? Must a second divorce follow? What if the husband initiated divorce? Paul doesn’t explicitly address these. We must infer the underlying principles. In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, the spirit implies divorced Christians should not remarry.

Many Christians believe Paul teaches that not everyone has celibacy as a gift, implying that strong mutual passion necessitates marriage for sin-free sexual fulfillment (1 Corinthians 7:1-13). Yet, Paul also states divorced Christians cannot remarry, seemingly denying them a sin-free sexual outlet in another marriage, according to this common view. However, if you seek divine confirmation, you’ll find God does allow sin-free sexual fulfillment in alternative exclusive relationships for divorced individuals (like engagement without marriage). It’s astonishing how often Christians neglect seeking God’s direct guidance on Scripture interpretation (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“).

Regarding divorce and remarriage, consider a Christian couple, Alice and Bob. Whether they were Christians at marriage or not, scenarios include:

1. First Marriage for Both: Their marriage is not sinful.
2. Post-Marriage Conversion: If they became Christians after marriage, past actions (like prior divorces) are forgiven upon conversion. Their current marriage is not sinful.
3. Christian Divorce and Remarriage: If either Alice or Bob were previously married Christians who divorced, their current marriage is sinful (based on 1 Corinthians 7:10-11). They need forgiveness, but not divorce, as divorce itself would be sinful (1 Corinthians 7:8-16).
4. Christian Married to Non-Christian, then Divorced and Remarried:
   • Non-Christian Initiated Divorce: Their marriage is not sinful (assuming #3 doesn’t apply), based on 1 Corinthians 7:15.
   • Non-Christian Did Not Initiate Divorce: Their marriage is sinful (based on 1 Corinthians 7:12-13). They need forgiveness, but not divorce.
5. Widowed Prior to Marriage:
   • Both Christian or Both Non-Christian at Marriage: Their marriage is not sinful (assuming #3 doesn’t apply), based on 1 Corinthians 7:39.
   • Widowed Christian and Non-Christian Marriage: Their marriage is sinful (based on 1 Corinthians 7:39). The widowed Christian needs forgiveness, but not divorce.
6. Christian Married to Non-Christian: The relevant principle from points above applies to the Christian spouse.

No post-cross passage declares remarriage illegitimate or adulterous, nor commands remarried Christians to divorce. However, knowingly disobeying 1 Corinthians 7:10-13 by remarrying may lead to divine discipline (Hebrews 12:5-11, Revelation 3:19).

These points apply to legal marriages. The Lord reveals these points apply only to man-woman marriage. Divorced, unmarried Christians can engage in other exclusive relationships (like engagement without marriage) for sin-free sexual fulfillment. God doesn’t recognize same-sex legal marriage, so these principles don’t apply to gay or lesbian individuals; their legal marriages are not sinful, even with prior divorces. Always seek personal divine confirmation, not relying solely on my or others’ interpretations (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“).

For in-depth study on biblical divorce and remarriage, see “Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and in the Church” (summaries at “Questions and Problems about Divorce and Remarriage“).

Conclusion

Initially, I intended to demonstrate scripturally that premarital sex is sinful. I was surprised by the unexpected direction the Lord led this article.

Over years of online ministry, Christians have frequently asked how to avoid sexual immorality, seeking clear boundaries. Since the New Testament lacks specifics on many sexual scenarios, providing precise biblical lines is difficult. My previous advice was to stay far from the line before marriage to minimize the risk of crossing it.

However, this advice feels inadequate for Christian couples alone together, experiencing strong emotions. In such moments, getting carried away is easy. Providing clear distinctions between sinful and non-sinful acts before such situations empowers couples to make informed choices, even amidst passion.

Birth control, safe sex practices, and potential conception are crucial pre-sex considerations, but distinct from the sinfulness of the act itself, the focus of this article.

To reiterate: the classifications of sinful and non-sinful sexual scenarios presented are based on recent divine revelation, confirmed undeniably. Your belief should stem from your own miraculous confirmation from God.

Human interpretation of Scripture is fallible. God alone knows the true meaning. It’s perplexing how often Christians neglect seeking or discerning God’s interpretation (see “How to Discern God’s Guidance“).

Responses to this article rarely indicate readers have sought divine confirmation, as repeatedly urged. Instead, reliance on personal understanding and interpretation contradicts Proverbs 3:5-6 and 28:26. Why do Christians disregard the Lord in this way?

Sexual sins are severely condemned. Ensure your actions align with God’s will, as your judgment will be based on your beliefs and actions, not external opinions (see “We’re Likely to Receive Painful Discipline for Not Obeying God, and It’s Our Own Fault,” “We Will Receive Rewards or Suffer Loss in Heaven Based on Our Earthly Obedience or Lack of Obedience,” and “We Will Not All Be Equal in Authority in Christ’s Future Kingdom after the Second Coming“).

For the glory of the Lord Jesus, the Christ, the Son of God, incarnate, crucified for our sins, and resurrected for our justification.

Dave Root
https://www.vividchristianity.com

“Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 12:3 NIV)

“Who is the liar? It is whoever denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a person is the antichrist – denying the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.” (1 John 2:22-23 NIV)

“If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.” (1 John 4:15 NIV)

“Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.” (1 John 4:1-3 NIV)

“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. I say this because many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.” (2 John 1:6-7 NIV)

“He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” (Romans 4:25 NIV)