If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek help. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 in the United States, or find international resources at the end of this article.
The mournful strains of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” echoed through the Hollywood Forever Cemetery on a somber afternoon in May. Chester Bennington, the dynamic frontman of Linkin Park, stood before a gathering of mourners, his voice heavy with grief. He was there to pay tribute to his close friend, Chris Cornell, the Soundgarden icon who had recently passed. “My name is Chester,” he began, addressing Cornell’s family and friends, “I had the great privilege of being a friend of Chris and invited to be a member of his family.” Accompanied by Linkin Park bandmate Brad Delson on guitar, Bennington delivered a poignant rendition of the song, a stark departure from his signature angst-ridden screams. His voice, usually a powerhouse of rock energy, was fragile, filled with sorrow. He further expressed his grief on Twitter, writing, “Your voice was joy and pain, anger and forgiveness, love and heartache all wrapped up into one. I suppose that’s what we all are. You helped me understand that.” These words, heavy with empathy and understanding, would soon take on an even more tragic resonance.
Less than two months later, the world was grappling with the devastating news of Chester Bennington’s own death. On the morning of July 20th, he was found at his Palos Verdes Estates home in Los Angeles County. The cause of death was suicide by hanging. The news sent shockwaves through the music community and beyond. Bennington, just 41 years old, had taken his own life, a week before Linkin Park was scheduled to embark on a 29-date North American tour. He had returned home from a family vacation in Arizona, telling his wife, Talinda, that he needed to work. Linkin Park had a photoshoot scheduled for that very morning. Reports from TMZ indicated that a partially empty alcohol bottle was found in the bedroom where he died, adding a layer of complexity to the already heartbreaking situation.
While Chester Bennington had been candid about his long-standing battles with addiction and depression, his suicide still came as a profound shock to those closest to him. Just days after Cornell’s memorial, Bennington had tweeted about feeling “very creative” and having written six new songs. He had also confided in a friend, Rene Mata, saying, “We have to stick together, and we have so much to live for.” These seemingly positive signs painted a confusing picture, contrasting sharply with the tragic act that would soon follow. This begs the question that resonated around the world: Why Did Chester Bennington Kill Himself? To understand this tragedy, we must delve into the complexities of his life, his long-fought demons, and the possible factors that led to this devastating outcome.
A Glimmer of Hope Amidst Inner Turmoil
In the months leading up to his death, Chester Bennington appeared to be thriving. Linkin Park’s latest album, One More Light, had reached the coveted number one spot on the charts upon its May release, and the single “Heavy” was gaining traction on rock radio. Adding to the positive momentum, Bennington was also planning a reunion with his pre-Linkin Park grunge band, Grey Daze, slated for September. “He was on top of the world,” recalled Sean Dowdell, Grey Daze drummer and a friend of Bennington since their teenage years, who had spoken to him just two days before his passing. These outward successes masked a deeper internal struggle, a battle that those closest to him were only beginning to understand in retrospect.
Steve Stevens, guitarist for Billy Idol, recounted an encounter with Bennington at a Rock to Recovery event the previous October. “He was making sure that everybody got to meet the dog at the door,” Stevens remembered, describing Bennington’s endearing and welcoming nature. “It was so endearing and so Chester.” This image of Bennington, caring and present, further underscores the perplexing nature of his suicide.
During Linkin Park’s European tour in June and July, band touring director Jim Digby observed a vibrant and engaged Bennington. “We saw the most alive and present Chester of my 15-and-a-half-year history with the band,” Digby stated. “He was arguably in the best physical condition of his life.” These accounts from friends and colleagues paint a picture of a man who, on the surface, seemed to be in a good place, making the subsequent tragedy even more difficult to comprehend.
Robert DeLeo, Bennington’s bandmate in Stone Temple Pilots (where Bennington was the frontman from 2013 to 2015), exchanged texts with him just days before his death. DeLeo described the messages as “loving, positive, looking-forward-to-the-future, growing-old kinds of things.” Similarly, Matt Sorum, former Guns N’ Roses drummer, received an email from Bennington the day before he died expressing interest in performing again with their covers band, Kings of Chaos.
These interactions highlight a crucial aspect of depression: it can be hidden beneath a veneer of normalcy, even happiness. Someone struggling with suicidal ideation may still engage in future planning and express positive sentiments, masking their internal pain from the outside world.
The Shadows Return: Unseen Battles with Addiction and Trauma
Despite the positive signs, some of Bennington’s friends now recognize missed clues, subtle indicators that his “dark passenger,” as he referred to his inner demons – a nod to the serial killer protagonist in the TV series Dexter – was resurfacing. Bennington had sought treatment for addiction around 2006 and had seemingly maintained sobriety for years. However, friends revealed that he had experienced a three-day relapse the previous August, involving alcohol-induced blackout, and had been drinking as recently as October.
Ryan Shuck, a longtime friend and bandmate in Bennington’s side project Dead by Sunrise, recounted a conversation he had with Chester a month before his death. Bennington claimed to be six months sober but also shared text messages with Shuck, who himself had battled alcoholism, that now appear chillingly prescient. “He was describing an hour-by-hour battle with addiction,” Shuck explained. “When I look at it now, it’s horrifying. He was telling me, down to the detail, what he would do in the first hour he wanted to drink: ‘I basically just take it hour-by-hour every day.’ ” This raw and honest admission reveals the intense, moment-to-moment struggle Bennington was facing, a battle that was far from over despite outward appearances of recovery.
Bennington himself had spoken openly about his ongoing struggles in a February 2017 interview with Music Choice. “I have a hard time with life,” he confessed while discussing the meaning of Linkin Park’s hit “Heavy.” “Even when it’s good, I just am uncomfortable all the time. . . . The opening line, ‘I don’t like my mind right now’ – like, that is me 24 hours a day. And if I get stuck in here, like, I just find life really hard. It doesn’t have to be.” This interview offers a direct glimpse into Bennington’s persistent discomfort and inner turmoil, highlighting the chronic nature of his mental health challenges.
Shuck believes Bennington may have consumed alcohol shortly before his death. “We don’t know how much, but it doesn’t take much when you’re that advanced an alcoholic and an addict and you’re battling to the extent he described to me. You don’t need much to lose your mind for a minute.” This underscores the vulnerability of individuals struggling with addiction, where even a small amount of alcohol can have devastating consequences, especially when coupled with underlying mental health conditions.
Childhood Scars: The Roots of Pain
While the immediate circumstances surrounding Bennington’s death are complex, understanding the roots of his pain requires delving into his traumatic childhood. Born on March 20th, 1976, in Phoenix, Arizona, Chester was the youngest of four children. His parents divorced when he was 11, a period he described as feeling abandoned by his mother. He lived with his father, a police detective who investigated child sex crimes, whom he later characterized as emotionally unstable during that time.
From the age of seven or eight until he was 13, Bennington suffered horrific sexual abuse at the hands of an older male friend. “I was getting beaten up and being forced to do things I didn’t want to do,” he once revealed. “It destroyed my self-confidence.” This childhood trauma left deep and lasting scars, contributing significantly to his struggles with mental health and addiction throughout his life. Such experiences can have profound and long-lasting effects, increasing the risk of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation in adulthood.
In an attempt to cope with the pain and trauma, Bennington turned to drugs and alcohol at a young age. By his teens, he had experimented with opium, amphetamines, marijuana, and cocaine. “I’d drink so much that I’d shit my pants,” he admitted, illustrating the severity of his substance abuse even in his youth. He claimed to have first quit substance abuse in 1992 after a violent encounter with a local gang, suggesting that even negative experiences could sometimes trigger positive change in his life, albeit temporarily.
The Voice of a Generation’s Anguish
Chester Bennington channeled his personal pain and struggles into his music with Linkin Park. Their songs, a potent blend of his raw screams, Mike Shinoda’s rapping, and the band’s signature heavy riffs, resonated deeply with a generation grappling with similar emotional turmoil. “He had a distinct voice, at once delicate and ferocious,” observed Jared Leto, actor and 30 Seconds to Mars frontman, who toured with Linkin Park. “It’s the angel and the demon, sitting on both shoulders. You could feel the tension between the two when he sang, and I think the reason so many people connected to his music was because of that balance he achieved between the two.” This duality in his voice reflected the internal conflict he battled constantly, a conflict that resonated with millions of fans worldwide.
Linkin Park’s songs, many co-written by Bennington and Shinoda, became anthems for young people struggling with feelings of alienation, depression, and anxiety. “‘Crawling,’ for example, is probably the most literal song lyrically I’d ever written for Linkin Park,” Bennington said of the hit from their groundbreaking debut album, Hybrid Theory. “That’s about feeling like I had no control over myself in terms of drugs and alcohol.” This honesty and vulnerability in his lyrics forged a deep connection with listeners who found solace and validation in his words. Bennington gave voice to the pain that many felt but struggled to articulate, creating a powerful bond with his audience.
Despite his personal battles, those who knew Chester Bennington emphasized that his struggles did not define his entire personality. He possessed a playful and sometimes juvenile sense of humor, juxtaposed with moments of profound sensitivity. Ryan Shuck recalled an instance where Bennington was deeply remorseful after making a joke about lung cancer onstage, highlighting his capacity for empathy and self-awareness.
Robert DeLeo echoed this sentiment, remembering Bennington’s messages as consistently “loving, positive, looking-forward-to-the-future, growing-old kinds of things.” Even in the face of his internal struggles, Bennington often projected an outward image of hope and optimism, further complicating the understanding of his final act. His generosity and lack of ego were also noted by many. Matt Sorum recounted how Bennington, despite his fame, was always humble and drama-free, embodying a “typical Chester style” of easygoing camaraderie.
A Legacy of Music and a Lingering Question
At home, Chester Bennington found immense joy and purpose in his family life. He became a father at the young age of 20 and cherished his six children. Jared Leto, recalling a dinner at Bennington’s home, described a bustling and loving family environment, a stark contrast to the often-turbulent world of touring and rock stardom. “I walk in and it’s just jam-packed with the biggest family you’ve ever seen,” Leto said. “I just couldn’t believe that he had such a beautiful and thriving family life, especially for someone so young. I hadn’t seen so much of that [in him], spending time on the road.” This glimpse into his personal life reveals a man who found deep fulfillment in his role as a father and husband, a dimension often overshadowed by his public persona as a rock star battling demons.
Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top, who toured with Bennington in Kings of Chaos, fondly remembered his engaging personality and enthusiasm for life beyond music, including his tattoo parlor business. “He always had enjoyable tales of his six kids, which he always referred to with a beaming smile, no matter what kind of parental woe might have had him do a double take,” Gibbons shared. “He was really an engaging soul.”
Following Chester Bennington’s tragic death, Ryan Shuck, alongside Linkin Park’s Joe Hahn and Mike Shinoda, delivered eulogies at a private service in Los Angeles, commemorating his life and legacy.
Bennington’s passing had a profound impact, not only on his fans but also on the broader conversation surrounding mental health. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline reported a significant 14 percent surge in calls the day after the news broke, indicating a widespread wave of grief and a heightened awareness of suicide prevention resources.
In the days following his death, fans gathered outside his home, leaving tributes as expressions of their grief and gratitude. One note poignantly read, “Dear Chester Bennington, It hurts all of us to know that you saved so many lives, yet we couldn’t save you. . . .” This message encapsulates the collective heartbreak felt by many who connected with Bennington’s music and message of resilience, highlighting the tragic irony of his inability to overcome his own inner struggles despite offering solace to so many others.
While we may never fully understand why Chester Bennington killed himself, his story serves as a stark reminder of the complexities of mental health, the hidden battles fought by individuals even amidst outward success, and the enduring power of music to connect with and heal those in pain. His legacy lives on through his music, his impact on countless lives, and the ongoing conversation he inadvertently ignited about mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or know someone who is, please reach out for help. Here are some resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US): 988
- Crisis Text Line (US): Text HOME to 741741
- The Suicide Prevention Resource Center: https://www.sprc.org/
- Befrienders Worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org/ (International support)
All donations to Music For Relief will now be directed to the One More Light Fund in honor of Bennington.
Additional reporting by Steve Appleford
Revisit 12 great Linkin Park songs that showcase the talents of the band’s late singer Chester Bennington.
