As a self-proclaimed cheese enthusiast – or turophile, if you want to get fancy – I thought I had a pretty strong stomach, olfactory senses included. I’ve braved Limburger, dark blues, and everything in between. So, when I encountered a cheese at a local wine and spirits market that I couldn’t stand, it was a genuine shock. Little did I know, this cheese aversion was foreshadowing my experience with a hyped-up personal care product: Lume deodorant.
Driven by effective commercials and promising reviews, I decided to try Lume. The promise of all-over odor control, especially during summer, was appealing. I ordered the stick deodorant (lime scent), topical cream (unscented), and body wipes (cool cotton scent). The delivery was prompt, but the price point was definitely higher than my usual drugstore deodorant.
Excitement turned to curiosity as I began to explore the scents. The wipes, advertised as cool cotton, leaned more towards a cucumber melon fragrance, reminiscent of early 2000s trends – pleasant and clean, but not groundbreaking. The stick deodorant, however, was a different story. Initially, a sour lime scent hit me, but it quickly morphed into something unsettlingly familiar: sour milk. My mind flashed back to that Trappist cheese from Kentucky, the only cheese I’d ever truly disliked. Dismissing it as a trick of the mind, I cautiously tested the scent on my wrist, like trying a perfume.
The unscented cream was the product I was most eager to try. As a plus-size individual, summer heat and anxiety often lead to sweat, particularly in sensitive areas. While I’ve never received complaints about body odor, the allure of Lume’s promise was strong. Following the instructions, I applied a small amount to my inner thighs. The application was smooth and non-greasy. So far, so good.
But then, nature called. And that’s when the dreaded cheese smell resurfaced, stronger this time. It wasn’t just a hint; it was unmistakable. Sour milk, curdled baby formula – the association with that off-putting cheese was undeniable. It smelled, frankly, like someone else’s body odor, and not in a good way. A shower was the only solution. Again, I tried to rationalize it as my olfactory memory playing tricks. Doubt crept in, and I decided a blind smell test was necessary. My partner bravely volunteered. His reaction? “It’s really sour… it smells like sweaty ass… isn’t this the smell it’s trying to PREVENT?” His less-than-eloquent description confirmed my worst fears.
Frustrated and disappointed, I turned to the customer reviews on the Lume website. Scrolling past the curated testimonials, I sorted by “lowest rating” – a crucial tip for anyone seeking the truth about a product. The negative reviews were overwhelmingly consistent: the smell. Many echoed my sour milk/baby formula perception. Others used even less appealing descriptions: urea, spoiled, moldy, foul, rotten Italian sub, dry dog food, feet and mildew, feet and sweet plastic, even white cheddar cheese puffs. One particularly resonant review stated, “The smell is enough to make you gag…. Like feet and mildew except 100 times more potent.”
Suddenly, my “cheese smell” wasn’t so far-fetched. When I shared these reviews and my experience with my partner, asking if he also detected a cheese-like note, his response was immediate and, frankly, horrifying: “Yeah, Fumunda Cheese!” (For the uninitiated, “Fumunda cheese” is a euphemism for smegma). My stomach churned. Return was the only option.
Seeking further validation and experiences, I polled my private women’s Facebook group about Lume. Many had tried it, and while some were devoted fans, others shared similar negative experiences. One woman’s comment struck a chord: “…I feel like it has a body pheromone smell… it’s like I’m using someone else’s smell… it’s intrusive.” This perfectly articulated the unsettling feeling of the Lume scent – it felt foreign, not my own, and definitely not pleasant.
The lesson? Always seek honest reviews and personal recommendations before investing in hyped products. Lume’s return process was straightforward, offering a refund minus shipping, and providing a prepaid label. I returned the cream and stick, hoping to exchange them for more wipes, but exchanges weren’t offered. The wipes, while not extraordinary, were acceptable in scent and function. However, the high price and the gamble of encountering that awful smell again mean I won’t be repurchasing from Lume. My final verdict: 1 out of 10 stars, solely for the marginally acceptable wipes. For odor control, I’ll be sticking to products that don’t remind me of spoiled dairy or, worse, “Fumunda cheese.”
