Even after working in the field of therapy for nearly 24 years, it can still be jarring to hear someone declare, “I hate people.” This strong, negative statement often prompts a reaction because it’s a difficult sentiment to fully grasp. While it’s true that interactions with others can sometimes lead to frustration, hurt, or anger, most people are genuinely trying their best to navigate life.
Over time, it’s become clear that when individuals express hatred towards people, they are often trying to communicate feelings of frustration or are subconsciously using this declaration as a form of self-protection from potential emotional pain. In today’s rapidly changing world, filled with anxieties and uncertainties, this kind of pessimistic outlook has become increasingly prevalent.
However, adopting this negative worldview can have damaging consequences, trapping individuals in a cycle of defensiveness and negativity. This mindset can significantly hinder both professional achievements and personal relationships.
…many who proclaim their hatred are simply attempting to express frustration, or they erroneously believe it will protect them from pain.
Research indicates that cynicism of this nature can also be a temporary indicator of burnout. When individuals are constantly under pressure and feeling overwhelmed, they can lose sight of their core values and the importance of human connection. In such states, other people may start to feel like burdens or stressful obligations.
Gretchen Rubin discussing happiness factors
Breaking Free from the “I Hate People” Mentality
Our beliefs hold immense power, often shaping our perceptions into perceived realities. Subconsciously, we tend to seek out evidence in our surroundings that validates our existing beliefs. If someone firmly believes that “people are awful,” they are likely to find instances that seem to confirm this negative viewpoint.
Conversely, if we believe in the inherent goodness of people, we are more likely to notice and appreciate acts of kindness and benevolence. Wouldn’t it be preferable to live in a world where we see the good in others?
Fortunately, our mindset in this regard is largely within our control. Regardless of one’s general outlook on humanity, we can consciously shift towards a more positive perspective through simple, consistent practices.
Our beliefs are powerful in that we unknowingly morph thoughts into facts.
Scientific research supports this idea. A study led by Barbara Fredrickson, a renowned professor specializing in positive emotions, demonstrated that incorporating a “loving-kindness meditation ritual” can cultivate positive emotions more effectively than simply seeking fleeting pleasures.
The “hedonic treadmill” effect, or hedonic adaptation, describes the human tendency to quickly adapt to changes, whether positive or negative, in order to maintain a stable level of happiness. However, Fredrickson and her research team discovered that increased positivity, fostered through practices like loving-kindness meditation, leads to greater receptiveness to social support and contributes to longer, happier, and more fulfilling lives. These benefits collectively enhance overall life satisfaction and reduce the likelihood of depression and other health issues.
The Kindness-Mindful Pause
It’s undeniably more challenging to generate and extend kindness when feeling busy or overwhelmed, especially for those who identify with the sentiment “I hate people.”
However, by intentionally taking a brief, mindful pause, you can introduce positive feelings and contagious compassion into your day, and significantly boost your overall happiness in the process.
Chade-Meng Tan, a former mindfulness pioneer at Google and author of “Search Inside Yourself,” advocates for this remarkably effective “kindness-mindful” exercise:
- Find a comfortable position and sit quietly for a few minutes, with your eyes open or closed. Direct positive intentions towards yourself, wishing yourself happiness, and allow yourself to absorb this intention.
- Think of someone you find it easy to feel kind towards. This could be a loved one, a close friend, or even a pet. Extend wishes of happiness to this person. Pay attention to any physical sensations that arise as you do so. Imagine how they might feel receiving your kindness.
- Bring to mind a neutral person, someone you don’t know well or have no strong feelings about. Now, extend wishes of happiness to them.
- If you feel ready, consider someone you find somewhat challenging or difficult and send them kindness. Remind yourself that, like you, this person ultimately desires happiness. If you notice resistance or tension in your body, take a deep breath and consciously relax your muscles. This exercise should be gentle and not forced.
- Finally, broaden your scope and imagine sending wishes of happiness to all people in the world, including yourself. Extend this feeling as far and wide as you can imagine.
It is highly recommended to practice this exercise daily for a week – whether in the morning, during your workday, or in the evening – and observe how your capacity for kindness and compassion naturally expands.
Shonda Moralis, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, award-winning author, and women’s mindful empowerment coach with over 20 years of experience.
