The exasperated phrase “This is why we can’t have nice things” resonates with anyone who’s experienced the delicate balance between owning something beautiful and the inevitable chaos of life. It’s a lament often uttered in the face of clumsiness, disregard, or just plain bad luck, but where did this common saying actually come from? While it feels timeless, its journey to popular culture is surprisingly traceable, with roots in parental frustration and a comedic boost from the late 20th century.
Paula Poundstone and the Popularization of a Parental Lament
Comedian Paula Poundstone is widely credited with bringing “This is why we can’t have nice things” into the spotlight, particularly during the late 1980s and early 1990s. Her stand-up routines often drew humor from everyday family life, and this particular phrase became a recurring joke, highlighting the relatable struggles of parenthood.
An early documented instance of Poundstone using the line dates back to August 1989 in the Des Moines Register. Recounting childhood memories, she joked about her mother’s overreactions, stating, “She used to get mad over absolutely everything. I remember the time I knocked a Flintstones glass off the table and she said, ‘That’s why we can’t have nice things.’”. This simple anecdote captured a universal parental sentiment, likely contributing to the phrase’s spread.
Further cementing its place in popular consciousness, Poundstone reportedly used the joke during a Comic Relief appearance, possibly in 1994. This national exposure, combined with mentions in publications like Mother Jones around the same time, helped propel “This is why we can’t have nice things” beyond a personal quip and into a widely recognized expression.
Echoes Through Time: Earlier Hints of the “Nice Things” Frustration
While Poundstone undoubtedly popularized the phrase, the underlying sentiment – the frustration of seeing cherished possessions damaged – existed long before her comedic timing. Evidence suggests it was a gentle, if slightly resigned, family joke even earlier.
In her 1984 memoir, In My Father’s House, Dorothy Allred Solomon offers a glimpse into this pre-Poundstone usage. Reflecting on a conversation from the 1950s, she recalls asking her mother, “Why don’t you have nice things like Aunt Marion?” Her mother’s poignant reply, “I have little children instead of nice things,” speaks volumes. This exchange reveals the implicit understanding that children and “nice things” can be a challenging combination, hinting at the very core of the now-famous phrase.
Delving even further back, a 1905 “Lesson…for Little Children” in The Humanitarian Review provides an even earlier example of the connection between broken objects and parental lectures. In this excerpt, a child named Fred recounts a lesson learned after breaking a vase:
His mother stopped him, and said gently: “When you chased the cat and broke my beautiful vase, did I whip you?” Fred thought awhile. “No; you told how much you liked that vase, and said you were terribly sorry, and almost cried. You asked, ‘How do folks keep nice things?’ I felt very sorry. Now, I never play where nice things are, and don’t break things.”
This early 20th-century text, while not using the exact phrase, encapsulates the same parental dilemma: how to maintain “nice things” in a world, especially a household with children, prone to accidents and mishaps. The mother’s question, “How do folks keep nice things?” is a clear precursor to the exasperated statement “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
A Timeless Lament
Ultimately, “This is why we can’t have nice things” taps into a timeless human experience. The desire to surround ourselves with beauty and comfort is often at odds with the realities of daily life, be it clumsy children, unpredictable pets, or simply the wear and tear of time. Paula Poundstone may have brought the specific phrasing to a wider audience, but the sentiment itself – the gentle despair over a broken vase or a stained tablecloth – has likely echoed through homes for centuries, perhaps ever since humans started making things they considered “nice.”
